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ISSN: 1530-5775
July 2010, Vol.12 #7

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Baby Bug

Stress Spray and Ford's Edict

 

We recently purchased fish. The fish are going to be our first attempt at pets. It was a much more arduous task than we thought it might be. First, we had to pick out a just-right tank and all the chemicals. Then, the tank had to be put together and filled with water. The fish didn't actually come home with us because our home water had to be treated in the tank and gotten ready for the fish several days later. The empty tank was brightened by the rainbow of stones in its bottom but it wasn't an exciting fish scene.

We finally made it to get the fish. After a water test, the kids stood at the tanks for awhile and chose their fish based on color and size and overall personality. The first fish Emily chose reacted adversely to their removal from their home. When the salesperson told us about the three day return policy in case of expiration that really applied to those fish, we directed her to other pink fish. The salespeople explained the benefits of some fish and the scary things about other fish like extreme aggression.

As the fish were placed in their plastic transport bags, the salesperson sprayed each bag with something called "Stress Spray" because the fish had to adjust to their new homes and got very stressed out. We joked a little that the process almost entitled us to some stress spray as well.

When we got home, my car payment bill had a side note on it that said we had been mailed information about an extension of credit to buy a new Ford. My car is almost paid off and we have 0% interest on it plus we plan on keeping so I had simply tossed the information. However, Ford went on to dictate that "you received a credit offer, now buy a new Ford". It was a true hard sell. There was no mamby-pamby, "you received a credit offer, maybe you should test drive a new Ford and consider it strongly". It was a little like Emily and Joel in the toy aisle. "Buy me a toy" is not the best technique for them either.

I envisioned the car shopping process from the past. We still have a car seat and a booster which made it too hard to get everyone in the test drive at the same time. We had to drive the car with the salesperson while the other parent stood on the sidelines trying to keep the kids out of the pathway. There were a myriad of options and features and price ranges available. It was a lot like standing in front of very expensive fish tanks. Of course, we had no idea which Fords would be recalled or make us want to exercise the non-existent three-day return policy.

Even though it was just a piece of paper, I found myself wanting to reach for some stress spray just at the thought of buying another vehicle. I resented Ford's assumption that they could tell me to buy a car. The decision-making process for eighty-eight cent fish took us days. I am going to stick with my almost-paid for SUV that I hope will make it for another ninety thousand miles. It has been almost three days so I think the fish might make it past their expiration period as well.

I wonder if Ford uses a four-year-old and eight-year-old as their sales writing team. I also am thinking that I need to invent Stress Spray for people. I can see the infomercial now. The copy would begin with "You have stress, now buy Stress Spray." The millions will roll in and maybe then I'll buy a new Ford.

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Now available this syndicated column by Dr. Caron Goode, author of Kids Who See Ghosts due out June 1st. Caron is the author of over 15 books including Raising Intuitive Children.

Family Support for a Child Who Sees Ghosts

In my interviews with families of kids who see ghosts, I notice that every family has a unique way of supporting the gifted child. As the Perry family demonstrates in this story, those with a child who sees ghosts also has a family member(s) who is unusually empathic.

The adorable book, The Sid Series ~ A Collection of Holistic Stories for Children, was authored by Yvonne Perry, who truly understands kids who see ghosts. She is the paternal grandmother of Sidney, the main character in her 12 stories that share a message about holistic living and understanding spiritual intelligence. She unknowingly started the book when she began to write about her adventures with her first-born biological grandson as he began exhibiting the ability to see in the spirit realm. The next thing Yvonne knew, she had a collection of stories to help parents and grandparents support kids who see ghosts and have other paranormal experiences.

Perry's own psychic gifts began manifesting in childhood. She was raised in a family where seeing and hearing spirits was not an unfamiliar experience-yet one that they didn't talk about. Having a near-death experience (NDE) in 1952, the matriarch of the family privately confessed to communicating with angels, spirit animals, and disembodied loved ones. During her NDE, "Nanny," as the family lovingly calls her, was sent back to Earth to finishing raising her children who were young at the time.

It's only natural that Ms. Perry and her children and grandchildren would manifest clairvoyant, clairaudient, or clairsentient gifts. As a teenager, her daughter, now 26, had dreams that gave her accurate premonitions about future events. It was common for her to have déjà vu or see something in "real" life that she had already witnessed in a dream or vision.

As a passenger in the car while her mom was driving down the road, Saya emphatically said, "Slow down!"

"I'm not speeding," Yvonne said.

"Just slow down, okay?" she said.

Yvonne slowed the car. "Enough?" she asked her daughter. About that time, they topped the hill where a car accident had just occurred. Had the mom maintained driving at the former speed, they would have been right in the middle of the wreck.

"How did you know that was going to happen?" Yvonne asked her daughter.

"I just knew. There's going to be a grey car at the entrance of the trailer park."

The trailer park wasn't even in sight for another twenty seconds, but sure enough, a grey car started to pull out as the mother-daughter duo approached. Yvonne blew the horn and averted yet another accident.

"How did you know?" Yvonne asked a little more sternly.

"I dreamed it last night," the fourteen-year-old replied.

Yvonne honored her daughter's spiritual gifts from that day forward. However, Saya shut down the gift and never mentioned it after her parents divorced two years later.

Perry's son, being empathic himself and married to a woman who is frequently visited by spirits, is more accepting of psychic gifts and was not at all surprised when his first-born son was able to communicate telepathically from a very early age. The entire family began learning from this little boy who called himself an "old soul" when he was only three years old. Sidney channeled his higher self and used a magic potion to heal a crippled dog when he was four years old. At age nine, he continues to receive guidance in his sleep through his astral travel.

"I knew we had a special child on our hands and I wanted to do everything I could to help him develop his spiritual gifts," says Perry. "-the same gifts that had been considered unacceptable by the Christian churches I had attended. Sidney's spiritually-enlightened mother encouraged him to use his gifts as a tool to help himself and others. Most psychically-gifted children do not have this type of adult influence. In fact, many adults are afraid of the supernatural. Because my son, daughter-in-law, grandson, and I can effortlessly talk about our spiritual experiences, there is no fear of the spirit world-just awe and appreciation." Perry's main reason for writing The Sid Series ~ A Collection of Holistic Stories for Children is to help others see how easy it is to open a dialog and comfortably share human connection with the spirit world.

Sidney's ability to see in the spirit realm was confirmed when he was about four years old. He was with his grandmother, whom he calls "Von-Von," in her office when she asked him to go get something in another room. He jumped up and started toward the door. Then, all of a sudden he stopped and wouldn't go through the door. He walked backward to where Von-Von was sitting.

"What's wrong, Sid?" she asked.

"Who is that?" He pointed toward the hallway.

Von-Von immediately knew what was happening. She had seen a ghost of young boy flash across her foyer several days prior. "I'm not sure what his name is," she said as she pulled Sid into her lap. "But, he will not harm you. Let's call upon Archangels Chamuel and Michael to help."

Sidney would not take his eyes from the spirit at the doorway.

"Archangels Michael and Chamuel," Von-Von said, "We have the spirit of a lost boy in our house. Please come and help him see the light and go to a safe place where he can find his friends and family. Thank you."

After a few moments Sidney said, "He's gone!" Then, he slid off his grandmother's lap and walked through the doorway without hesitation.

Perry is currently writing a book to serve as a guidebook for empaths-those who are affected by the thoughts, emotions, and feelings of people around them. Teaching Sidney how to protect himself from the psychic energy will be important later on if his guardian adults notice that he's picking up detrimental energy from others. So far, this has not been the case. Even though Sidney is very sensitive and compassionate, he is able to move smoothly along on his own spiritual journey. This lack of fear and psychic onslaught (common to many teens and adults) may come from the way his family treats paranormal events as an ordinary part of life. It could also be due to the loads of love and light that surround him as a result of the beneficial prayers of his parents, grandparents, great-grandparents, and yes, even his great-great-grandmother. Nanny, at age 94, sees and hears in the spirit realm more than ever.

The stories in The Sid Series are as much for the parents as for the kids. For more information about the book, please visit TheSidSeries.com.

Dr. Goode is a licensed counselor, author, speaker, and coach. She is the founder of the Academy for Coaching Parents International. (www.acpi.biz). She recently authored Nurture Your Child's Gift (2008), the award-winning parenting book, Raising Intuitive Children (New Page, 2009) and her newest book, Kids Who See Ghosts, guide them through their fears (2010) All books are available from www.amazon.com. Contact Dr. Goode by email: caron30@gmail.com for speaking engagements and seminars.

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Hello:
My name is Molly Brown Koch and I am delighted to tell you that you may find me each month in Ladybug Flight's new parenting column called Keep the Connection. I'd like to tell you a little bit about myself. My first child was born October 1948. (You guessed it. I'm an old lady - born 1927.) When Jessie was a year old I joined a Child Study Group and I was hooked on groups from that moment on. So, from participating in groups, I went on to train to facilitate groups and I've been facilitating groups for 61 years off and on. Most of what I know about parenting comes from the thousands of parents I've listened to in and and out of groups. I've learned what works and what doesn't, what pushes children away and what draws them close, what makes children cooperative, achievers, happy, content with themselves, respectful, and loyal to their families and their family values.

My book, "27 Secrets to Raising Amazing Children" has earned a Mom's Choice Silver Award, I write a monthly column in Baltimore's Child M

agazine, I run parenting groups in Baltimore City public schools, another in day care centers, and I train women to facilitate parent groups which are all based on my book.

I welcome this opportunity to share my thoughts and feelings with you. I invite you to send me your suggestions for columns and to contact me if you'd like my perspective on your own concerns with your children.

 

Obedience? No. Cooperation? Yes.

 

In a recent parent group, two mothers complained they were having trouble getting their 8 and 10 year old sons to obey. (The battle begins with: "This is my house and these are my rules.") While we all wish we could tell our children the house rules only once and they'd comply forever, (and we'd all live happily ever after,) but the reality is, it's not going to happen. Not that way.

What we should wish for, and work for, is cooperation, not obedience. Let's take a look at the difference. In my book, "27 Secrets to Raising Amazing Children," I raise the following questions for parents to ask themselves about training their children to be obedient. Will demanding obedience train your children to be submissive? How will your submissive children respond to the bad influences outside your home? Will they submit without thinking to anyone who makes demands? Will they continue to depend on others to make their decisions for them? Or once out on their own, will they rebel against all rules of society?

The obedient child does not act out of "inner conviction," according to the late psychologist, Dr. Bruno Bettelheim in his book, "A Good Enough Parent." This is the key to understanding the difference between obedience and cooperation. Obedient children comply out of fear of punishment, or fear of losing their parents' love or approval. Cooperative children willingly share responsibilities when they feel they are respected and valued members of the family. Demanding obedience tends to alienate. Cultivating cooperation is a matter of sharing values. And sharing values draws people closer together. From my point of view what matters most is strengthening your relationship with your child.

You can discipline your children with all the right techniques, but if your relationship is strained, your techniques won't matter. And if you make every mistake in the book, but your relationship is strong and loving, the mistakes won't matter.

So how do you get your children to cooperate? It begins with respect. Think about how you treat guests staying in your home. Would you say, "This is my house and these are my rules?" If you don't want them to leave bathroom towels on the carpeted floor, you'd probably say, "We have a problem with mold in our house, so we'd appreciate if you would hang the towels to dry on the rack after you shower." You told your guest what is important to you, what you would appreciate their doing, and you took time to explain your reason for hanging up the towel.

Oh, I can hear you now - "But I've explained my reasons a hundred times and they still don't listen." Does it sound like just another order to them that they are glad to forget? Do they really forget after you've told them a hundred times? What's missing if you have to tell them the same thing a hundred times? What's missing in many families are "necessary conversations" with children. Too much is said when we are angry and not enough is said when we are calm. Leaving the hurt and angry feelings (in both parents and children) to linger builds resentment on both sides. And nothing gets resolved. Let's get back to the two moms who raised the question of obedience. They said when it's time for their sons to do their homework, eat their dinner, take a bath and go to bed, they can't get them to stop playing their computer games. (It could be any other tug-of-war situation with children of any age.) Let's look at it from the children's standpoint. Where parents see playing computer games as a useless waste of time, to children it is one area of their lives where they feel they are in control. They complain that their lives are filled with rules and restrictions, everyday, day in and day out, in school and at home. Here in cyberspace, the boys are kings - they have control and power. This is the stuff of self-esteem! What they are trying to get, and should be getting as frequently as possible, is autonomy where it is safe to do so. Giving your children choices hands them some control in their lives that leads to their developing self-control and decision-making!

Back to the boys at the computer. Mom comes in and says, "It's time to do your homework, eat dinner, take a bath . . ." But the cyberspace king is not ready to relinquish his power and the battle begins. All Mom can do after a futile exchange of words is to threaten punishment. The king abdicates, gives in, eats his dinner, does his homework, takes a bath, and goes to bed - angry and frustrated, and determined to regain his throne tomorrow. He may not premeditate how he will take control the next day, but it's pretty certain he'll find a way! And another battle is inevitable.

It's bedtime and the little deposed king is lying in bed, feeling powerless. Here's where the necessary conversation can make a world of difference in the parent-child relationship. His frustrated and weary mother knocks on his door, enters his room, sits down at his bedside, and says, "Bobby, I've thought it over and I think it's time we worked out the computer problem together." Bobby sees a chance to gain a new kind of control and he's willing to discuss the length of time he plays, whether he does his homework before or after playing, and what the consequences will be if he fails to live up to the agreed-upon time limit. His anger and frustration subside, and he's eager to cooperate. As in all parenting matters, it begins with respecting children and it ends with mutual respect. Long live the Queen Mother! Love live the little king!

You can also find Molly at mollybkoch.com and keeptheconnection.org.
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The Truth to Conquer Emotional Eating

The Truth to conquer emotional eating is to manage your emotions. Yet managing emotions is not such an easy thing to do. With all the practice we as humans have had--that's centuries and centuries, we're still pretty much in the Dark Ages.

And it just doesn't make sense for we are emotional beings. In fact our limbic emotional brain was developed before the reticular analytical brain.

What is known is that all through out history, man has tried to "control" his emotions. The reticular portion of the brain has attempted to suppress the emotional limbic brain. There hasn't been to much gray about it--you're either in control or you're not. So it's been more of a black and white thing.

One way to control emotions is to deny them. It must be from the Victorian age where everyone was in a looking glass being observed by everyone else. God forbid an emotional outburst. It would be associated with evilness.

Where ever it came from, i.e., the poor handling of emotion, the result is that in this century of advanced technological accomplishments, most of us are still emotional cripples.

Thus when we are tempted to eat, we don't look to the predominate emotion we're feeling, we look to it being a food or an eating problem. Yet, until we learn to manage our emotions the end result is weight gain.

Rather than make it into a food or a weight gain issue, the goal is to acknowledge which emotion is speaking to you. To conquer emotional eating is to first recognize the emotion that's associated with food. For in reality, you're not eating food, you're eating your emotion. Food dilutes the emotion. After all, when you're eating, you're not thinking, "Gee I feel bored and I hate this feeling. This is a terrible feeling and I wish I knew what to do about it. Blah blah, blah..."

No, you're thinking about how good the food tastes or how you're only going to eat a little of it, or how you'll not each so much tomorrow to make up for it, or how you shouldn't be eating it, or how little control you have...

That's diluting the emotion. You're thinking is mostly about the consequences of the food and very little about what you're feeling.

But how do you stop diluting the emotion and take the emotion straight? The answer is to simply feel the emotion. The problem is that we have had virtually an unlimited amount of training on how to avoid feeling the emotion. And it doesn't have to be bad emotions--this is also true for emotions such as happiness.

A progressive approach to losing weight involves asking important questions "What is missing? Why are you not getting the results you've been promised?" It is clearly insane to keep dieting when the results are so poor. It's more important to gain a grasp on how to stop emotional eating--eating emotional stress than it is to read the scale. Besides focusing on the scale doesn't empower you to be a better more enlightened person, whereas learning how to overcome emotional eating empowers you in all aspects of your life. If you're a sales person, you'll be a better sales person. If you're an assembly line worker, you'll be a better assembly line worker; a mother, a better mother... Overall, you'll build self worth and find that what you really want to eat is far more nutritious and less in quantity than you ever before imagined possible.

 

Richard Kuhns B.S.Ch.E., NGH certified, a prominent figure in the field of hypnosis with his best selling hypnosis and stress management cds at www.DStressDoc.com. His aim is to make it possible for anyone to manage emotional binge eating. For your free report on Why Diets Fail, please visit www.EmotionalEatingCure.com.

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